Marked
by SouthernBelle1871
Summary: After Bella is attacked on her birthday, she comes to realize a connection she didn't know existed. Will she pursue this connection at the expense of those she loves? And why are her emotions suddenly on overdrive?
1. Chapter 1

_**Marked**_

"_Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to be vulnerable."_

No! No no no no! I berated myself over and over in my head. This should have never happened. This can not be happening. What was I thinking? What am I thinking now? On every level this is wrong. No sane person would have done what I had just done and no loving person would have committed such a crime against those closest to them. There was nothing about what I had just done that was redeemable and nothing that could have been seen as acceptable. My moral was lower than it had ever been and I could not see myself pulling out of this self loathing anytime soon.

My thoughts and emotions were changing by the second. Pain, then grief, anger, torrents of frustration, disappointment, self loathing, and finally hurt. Suddenly a new emotion surfaced and I squashed it the moment I was able to identify it.

Pleasure.

I couldn't of been more shocked at myself. How could I feel pleased about what had just happened?

_Oh come off it Bella! You know you enjoyed every moment of it. Sure the shits hit the fan now and consequences must be met, but don't sit there and pretend it was not all worth it in the end! Stop lying to yourself. You do that enough as it is. For once live in the moment!_

I winced as the words were spoken. This part of me, the devil on my shoulder, was happier than it had ever been. It kept lecturing, its words conniving and smug.

_You know you want to go back; of course you won't because you're too afraid. Instead while you are alone in your bed, you will replay the events from tonight in your mind over and over and over..._

"Shut up!" I screamed at the invisible voice. My outburst echoed around the empty cab of my truck as I snapped back to the present. The only noise was the roar of the engine as I accelerated down the empty stretch of high way. I swear I could hear the voice chuckle at my stupidity. My jaw clenched in frustration and tears began to fill my eyes. Stupid traitor tears. The voice was right, I had enjoyed myself, and I wanted to go back. That realization was both exhilarating and terrifying.

As I drove home it kept calling to me, trying to convince me to turn around and go back for more. Oddly enough I realized that the voice sounded a lot like Jacob Black. I smiled grimly.

I felt like Eve in the garden arguing with the snake. If the snake was half as convincing as the demon on my shoulder no wonder she ate the apple. I had never sympathized more with Eve than at that very moment. We had both given into temptation, and we both lost.

I finally arrived home and let out a breath I hadn't known I'd been holding. After tonight I knew Edward would not be climbing through my window. I was both saddened and relieved. I couldn't handle dealing with him now, I was both emotionally and physically drained.

I rushed out of my truck looking over my shoulder multiple times awaiting to see golden eyes watching me from the trees. I knew this was bordering on paranoia but my rational side was not kicking in. The hairs on my neck were standing on end and my nerves were on high alert ready for an ambush. As I got inside I quickly shut the door twisting the dead bolt, my fingers shaking uncontrollably. Charlie was already in bed asleep, I could hear his snores lingering down from his room. I found myself being grateful that I wouldn't have to answer his questions about my party at the Cullen's or the "gifts" that I had received.

_Or the bandage on your arm_. I thought bitterly as I glanced at the bandage that trailed from my bicep up to my collar bone.

Glaring down at my arm I could feel the tears beginning to build once again. I knew I'd have a scar. This scar would be a constant reminder of the mistakes I had made tonight and just like my mistakes, it would never fade or disappear. I climbed the stairs as fast and as silently as I could, charging with anger towards my room. As soon as I stepped into the threshold of my sanctuary I began ripping away at my ruined dress. I was covered in blood and _his _scent. I needed to be rid of it, I needed to forget this night, I wanted the sin that covered my body and my soul to just wash away. I tore at the fabric with more drive and determination than necessary and soon sat in a pile of rags and tears upon my bed room floor.

"What is wrong with me?" I silently whispered to myself.

I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration and stole a glance at my reflection.

My make up was running down my cheeks like dark, polluted water falls, and my hair was all over the place, bunched up and tangled in places like a tumble weed. What shocked me the most was the expression on my face. I looked lost and almost haunted, I didn't even recognize myself. Disappointment washed over me once again and I forcefully shoved my self pity away. I was not going to be that girl! I was now a woman and I was going to handle this situation as such.

_You are no longer a little girl._

This revelation hit me full force knocking the air out of me. My breathing became shaky and shallow. The mistake I had made was not one a naïve little girl would have made and my behavior was far from that of an innocent child. I turned crimson as I thought of just a few hours ago.

_His _scent, _his _breath, _his _voice, _his _touch. The memories sent sparks of desire through out my entire body.

_You wanted it. _The voice answered smugly.

"I wanted it." I admitted, hanging my head in defeat.

This desire that came over me was stronger than anything I had ever felt in my entire life. And it scared me.

Why didn't I feel this when I was with Edward? I love him, shouldn't my feelings be toward the man I love? Where had these impulses come from? Did I truly still love Edward? Did he know? Had Alice seen this?

My thoughts continued to run in circles and exhaustion soon came over me. As I moved to lay on my bed, I found myself replaying the events in my head just as my subconscious had said I would.

**Authors Notes: I would like to give a HUGE shout out to my Beta, TicTocTicToc for sticking with me through this long process. She is amazing! Its taken me forever to be happy with what I have so far, and I hope y'all enjoyed it. Let me know what you thought about this and what you hope to see in the future. Remember, reviews motivate!**


	2. Chapter 2

Authors Note: Heres the second chapter of my new story, 'Marked'. I'd like to thank my beta for sticking with me through this long process. It means a lot to me, and I can't thank you enough. I hope y'all enjoy this, and please review. Also as if you don't already know, I do not own twilight. Just the twisted plot line that I've created.

_Just a few hours earlier_

To say I was in shock was probably an understatement. It felt like I was watching a car crash. You know how it feels, watching something horrific happen but being unable to stop it. The typical American that I am, I just watched with a blank stare on my face as destruction blazed in front of me. I was frozen. All I could do was watch as Jasper ran toward me, teeth bare, with the look of a feral beast in his eyes. He was the predator, and I was the prey.

The thought that I was about to die did not cross my mind. There were no last thoughts or wishes, no pleads to a higher power, no regrets, no lost dreams. There wasn't enough time for that. The next thing I knew I was on the ground and all I felt was pain. My right arm throbbed and I could feel a warm wet liquid trailing down and pooling into my palm. Pain and the smell of blood flooded my senses and I held my breath to keep from passing out. I slowly began to sit up, my palms digging into shards of glass buried in the carpet. As my surroundings came back into focus I turned and was met by six pairs of voracious, black eyes.

Suddenly I felt a cold hand secure itself around my wound, which was soon joined by a torn sleeve applying pressure upon my arm, in an attempt to slow the bleed. I looked up to see the golden hair of my savior.

"Carlisle." My voice was barely audible. I felt relief shoot through me. He glanced down at me, a look of worry on his face mixed with something I had never seen plaguing his features.

Furry.

He was now crouched next to me in a protective stance, his eyes still their normal gold but burning with authority.

"Emmett, get Jasper out of here!" Carlisle yelled. All I heard was the slamming of the back door as Emmett disappeared dragging the howling Jasper away from my blood. Carlisle examined my wound quickly before turning his attention back to the room filled with hungry vampires. Had they moved closer?

"Everyone, out now!" Carlisle barked toward the room. No one moved at first, and then I heard a low hiss leave Carlisle's lips. I trembled slightly in fear. I had never seen Carlisle look more like a vampire than at this very moment.

As I looked toward the rest of the family I saw their eyes begin to shift back to gold. It was like Carlisle's voice had cleared the haze from their minds. He had asserted his dominance and they obeyed with out question. Guilt began to show on all of their faces as they came to, before quickly sprinting from the scene. The last to leave was Edward, who gave me a forlorn look before racing out the back door. The feeling of abandonment swept through me, but Carlisle's apologetic voice interrupted my pity party.

"I am so sorry about this Bella."

The compassion in Carlisle's words was evident and they shook me from my thoughts. I looked up into his eyes and forced a small smile. They were filled with sadness and guilt. I placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Its not your fault. Please don't blame yourself, its in your nature. A hazard of hanging out with vampires when you're a tasty human." I said indicating my bleeding arm. He chuckled at my words, shaking his head in disbelief.

"You have always been very gracious about us. I don't think I will every get used to your ability to understand our kind and forgive us. You are quite extraordinary." I smiled genuinely at his compliment and could feel a small blush upon my cheeks. "Now, lets head up to my office, where I can clean and stitch up your arm." He slowly began to help me stand, his cool hands upon my waste. I placed my left hand upon his shoulder to help steady my self. My grip tightened on his shoulder as the room began spinning, and I closed my eyes to try and regain balance. I let out a small groan of frustration as the room continued to sway like a boat upon the sea. There was no way I was climbing up the stairs, let alone flat surfaces with out assistance.

"Need me to carry you?" Carlisle asked, amusement in his voice. All I could do was nod in response my eyes still shut in a futile attempt to stop the room from moving. The next thing I knew, Carlisle had scooped me up into his arms and ran up the stairs.

Once I knew we had stopped moving I opened my eyes and took in my surroundings. I had only been in Carlisle's study a few times, but each time I found something new to marvel at. He had more first edition books than most libraries, and they lined the walls of his office from floor to ceiling. Carlisle had a dozen or so oil paintings that were easily worth a small fortune, and they filled in the spaces that were not currently occupied by his vast book collection. His fathers cross still hung upon the wall where I had first laid eyes on it many months ago. I was always in awe of its presence. I wasn't sure if it was there to be a comfort to Carlisle or a plaguing reminder of his past. In some way I was almost sure that it played dual roles. Though I loved the Cullen's living room and its open feel, Carlisle's office was homey and was clearly his, and thats what made it my favorite room in the house.

Carlisle's voice broke me out of my thoughts.

"Bella, Im going to need you to sit on the desk here. Do you think you can support your self for a moment while I get my supplies?" He asked, his voice laced with concern. The smell of blood was still making me woozy and my face was leaning into his chest for support. As I began to lift my head to make some witty reply I inhaled a scent, more powerful than anything I had ever come across, and it captivated my senses. I had never smelled anything more amazing in my life. Not even Edwards smell could compare. It was a mixture of spice, old books, and something uniquely Carlisle. All of my previous thoughts and notions were overcome and I was left in a state of utter shock. Moments passed before Carlisle's voice brought me back to the present.

"Bella? Are you alright?" He asked concerned.

I realized my mouth was partially hanging open and I probably had a glazed over expression on my face. I quickly composed myself in embarrassment. I had been staring, and the worst part was that I had been caught. Color began to fill my cheeks.

"I'm fine, just a bit tired." I lied. I put a small smile on as I responded to his previous question. "I think I can handle sitting on my own." This statement was partially true.

He just nodded not fully believing me, but not wanting to argue. I really needed to work on my lying capabilities.

Carlisle then placed me on his desk, my feet dangling over the edge, and turned to walk toward a shelf on the other side of the office. The scent slowly began to fade as he walked away and a longing for it to return consumed my body.

_What is going on? _I thought utterly perplexed.

I had spent time with Carlisle before, but his scent had never had this affect on me. I tried to piece together the puzzle quickly, but I kept drawing blanks. Carlisle was then back in front of me and I jumped at his sudden reappearance.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to startle you." He said, with a small smirk gracing his handsome features, only to be replaced quickly with a sympathetic smile. "This might hurt a bit." He then gently picked up my right arm placing my hand on his right hip and took a step closer to me. We were inches apart and my body seemed to relax at his presence, sinking closer toward him, my fingers playing with the fabric of his shirt. His scent began to dance around my body and with out thinking my other hand came up to rest on his other hip. A confused expression crossed his face but was soon gone as if it hadn't occurred. My calm was soon interrupted as he began to clean my wound by tweezing out shards of glass. I hissed in response to the stinging sensation. He paused briefly.

"Ow. It's fine, I'll get used to it." I said through clenched teeth.

"I'm sorry I'm causing you pain, I will try and work as fast as possible, but there is a lot of glass embedded in your arm. This could take awhile." He then continued to remove shards hastily.

"Could you please keep talking to me? It will help to, ow, distract me from the pain." I turned to look into his eyes and took a deep breath of his scent to calm my nerves. I then looked, truly looked at him. I had always known Carlisle was beautiful, they all were, but I had always noticed there was something different about him. Something I was never able to identify. He was my own personal mystery, a puzzle waiting to be solved. I smirked through the pain at that thought. Maybe I had hit my head too hard.

"What do you want to talk about?" Carlisle said smiling as he continued working. I noticed he was very calculated when he was in doctor mode. Each twist, turn, and pull was precise. There was no movement that was unnecessary. A very dirty thought involving Carlisle and a white coat soon found its way into my thoughts and my face turned tomato red. I quickly looked at the floor while I answered, taking deep breaths to calm myself.

_'Wow, that even made me blush.' _My subconscious chuckled. I groaned inwardly with embarrassment.

"Um, well, tell me about something from your past in Europe. Did you ever meet any famous people or meet royalty?"I sounded like an eager child awaiting story time. I was slightly embarrassed and of course I was blushing again. Carlisle chuckled slightly and nodded.

"Yes to all of the above. Hmmm, let me think of a good one." He paused briefly as he bit his lower lip in thought. A habit from his human life? He looked so much younger when he did this, how could any one believe he was in his thirties? A smirk appeared on his face as he began his tale. The only sound in the room was of glass hitting the bowl and Carlisle's soothing voice.

"I did have a run in with some dukes and noblemen back in my early years as a vampire. They owned the majority of the good hunting land and because of my diet I had no choice but to hunt on their property." Carlisle's tale had only just begun and I found myself completely enraptured by his story.

"Well, one night as I was finishing my 'dinner'," He smiled impishly at me, "I heard the sound of dogs barking and foot steps heading my way. Before I had a chance to react I was surrounded by lanterns. I had come face to face with the Duke of Suffolk and his guards. I can't imagine what I looked like to them, covered in weeks worth of dirt and fresh blood. I was young and a very messy eater. I remember one of them screaming that I was a demon of some kind. I don't think he was very far off." Carlisle had a bitter smirk on his face but it was quickly replaced by an amused grin as he continued. His english accent was finding its way into his words as he became even more immersed in his tale.

"Any how, I was being immature and reckless and decided to toy with them. I let out a long low snarl in their direction hoping to scare them off." Here, he let out a weak imitation and I forced a giggle through the chills he sent up my spine. He smiled back at me, as he proceeded with his tale.

"I will never forget the looks on their faces. They were terrified beyond reason and shaking, they eventually ran off deserting their positions leaving the Duke alone. Satisfied with their reaction, I crouched next to my food to continue eating when suddenly I heard a heart beat accelerate. I turned just in time to see the Duke charging at me with his sword drawn, his eyes crazed." I gasped involuntarily at his words. A small smirk graced Carlisle's features before continuing.

"I believe he was more frightened than anything and I was easily able to avoid his attack. His movements were sloppy and driven by fear and rage. He clearly was not in the right state of mind and while trying to swipe his sword at me, he tripped over the dear I had been previously eating. The whole situation was just so absurd that I laughed at him! I distinctly remember this being the first time as a Vampire that I truly laughed. This of course infuriated him more and he began standing up to attack again. I tried to compose myself but I continued to laugh as I ran off into the night." Carlisle finished, chuckling at the memory a genuine smile on his face. His smile was contagious and I soon found a similar smile upon my face.

_He is so beautiful when he laughs. _

I immediately went still, my smile falling from my face. Why had I just thought that? I desperately needed a distraction. I could not be having these thoughts about my boyfriend's...what was Carlisle to Edward? Father couldn't be the right word because he was practically more than that. Carlisle was too young to pass as a biological father to Edward as well. Maker? No, that is too formal. Whatever he is, it is completely inappropriate and I shouldn't be having these thoughts and feelings for a married man.

_But you are. _

I quickly looked down in shame and noticed that he had finished removing the glass from my arm. I glanced back up in surprise seeing a smiling Carlisle as he prepared to begin stitching my arm. I couldn't help but smile back at him.

"Thank you for distracting me. That was a very, interesting story." I said with a slight laugh. Carlisle grinned back at me, as he moved closer to begin stitching. His face was mere inches from mine. I could feel his cool breath against my skin and it sent a warm shiver up my spine. His presence seemed to charge something deep inside me, something I had never known was there or existed. I closed my eyes to try and calm myself, my fingers tightening against his shirt. I hoped he didn't notice my reaction.

"You're welcome, I had actually forgotten about that story. I'm quite glad you enjoyed it, _Isabella_." My eyes opened wide in shock, locking with his, confusion written on my face. The way he said my name, it was almost like a caress. Carlisle hadn't broken eye contact and I soon began sinking into his gaze, lost in oceans of gold. All rational thought left and only one thought consumed me.

_Carlisle_.

Quite suddenly Carlisle blinked and I was released from the trance.

_Did he just dazzle me?_

I noticed immediately that my left hand had moved from his hip to rest upon his chest, and I removed it quickly as if I had been burned. I pulled my eyes away from his before he could see the utter shock that was upon my face. I did notice that the confusion that had been upon my face earlier was a mirror image of his own. Only something else lingered upon his features. I couldn't help but glance at him through my peripherals. Confusion was still etched into Carlisle's countenance and quickly with little effort he composed himself. It was as if nothing had happened, but I knew better.

_He had dazzled me. And he hadn't been able to control it._

I had to remind myself to breathe. Air flowed unevenly from my lungs. I needed another distraction and I needed it now.

"I think you are wrong about one thing though." The words had left my mouth before I could stop them. Carlisle's eyebrows furrowed in puzzlement, he hadn't expected this response from me. He refused to allow his eyes to meet mine as he continued stitching.

"What is it you think I'm wrong about?" He asked with genuine curiosity.

"You said that the guard called you a demon and that you agreed with his statement. I think you 're wrong. There's no way you could be a demon, you are the most selfless person that I know." He met my gaze finally, a look of shock mixed with amusement on his face.

"As I said before, your understanding and forgiveness will never cease to amaze me." I couldn't help but smile bashfully back at him. I had never done well with compliments. He let out a soft sigh as a sadness clouded his once amused expression. "However, as much as I wish to believe that myself, there are many others who do not share that view, and there is much evidence to the contrary as well." He said this with such bitter resentment in his voice that grief began to fill my heart.

"Carlisle, you shouldn't listen to them. I don't care how much evidence is piled against you, the fact that you defy your very nature proves that they are wrong. You have saved me time and time again, as well as thousands of people in hospitals around the world. If that doesn't scream selfless, I don't know what does." I pleaded my case to him, searching his eyes to see if my message had been received or at least acknowledged. Carlisle looked up from his stitching with a small appreciative smile.

"You are too kind, thank you _Isabella_." He was still inches from me and his words danced around my body. I struggled to find words again. The way he said my full name, no one had ever said it that intimately before, and I secretly prayed no one, other than him, ever would.

"What do the others think?" I questioned genuinely curious. Carlisle took a deep breath before answering. He was definitely choosing his words carefully, and he was biting his lip again. Was he nervous?

"Some believe that we still have our souls and are not eternally damned. That view, however, is held by a minority in our household. Others believe that _this_, is our after life. That by gaining this form of immortality we had to pay a price, and that price was our soul. Alice and myself make up the small minority. Some days it can be a great struggle to hold onto that belief, but with Alice, and your support, that once heavy burden is easier to bare." He finished smiling up at me. I couldn't help but smile back, his beauty and happiness was contagious. My thoughts began to wander as he finished stitching. Why hadn't Carlisle and I talked like this before? It was strange but now that I thought about it, Edward had never left me alone with Carlisle. Ever. What was he afraid of?

And then it hit me. It felt like a hole had been punched through my chest. My world was suddenly turned upside down and anger filled every fiber of my being. My once smiling face had set into a thin grim line and my heart pounded in my chest. My sudden mood swing did not go unnoticed by Carlisle, who's eyes had not left mine since my epiphany.

"Bella? Is everything alright?" Carlisle asked concerned. I tried counting to ten before answering, but nothing was going to soothe my rage. My words struggled to come out.

"He's... he's never going to change me... is he?" I said, my jaw was clenched in anger. As understanding set in, Carlisle's expression softened.

"Oh, Bella. I'm so sorry." Carlisle's eyes were filled with compassion as his hands found mine. At the moment of contact, an electric current shot through my body. I stared down at our now adjoined hands, noticing for the first time that my fingers had formed death grips on his hips, and were starting to turn white around the fabric of his shirt.

"Relax Isabella, please." He whispered in a calming tone. His utterance of my full name, slowly calmed the storm of my anger. He then began rubbing soothing circles around the knuckles of my hand and I soon found myself releasing his shirt. He gently pulled my hands away and held them together in front of us. He never stopped drawing delicate patterns in my skin and I found my eyes shutting in utter contentment. I let out a satisfied sigh before continuing in my questioning. I needed the whole truth now.

"He didn't want me to talk to you about this, did he?" It wasn't a question and I was almost certain of the answer. Carlisle avoided my gaze as he contemplated his response.

"I can't lie to you anymore Bella. No he did not." Carlisle answered flatly. I took another deep breath as I continued in my interrogation. My anger now gone had slowly transformed into sadness.

"Why?" To myself my voice sounded totally defeated. Carlisle pinched the bridge of his nose as he answered.

"He believed by me sharing with you the belief of vampires with souls that it, some how, would make you even more determined to be changed. You have to understand though, Bella, that he believes he is damned. If the situation were in reverse, could you take away his soul?" His gaze bore into mine and I answered with the first thing that came to my mind.

"Yes." I said with absolute certainty. "Its my soul to give away. He can not control everything I do, I am my own person, and I can make decisions on my own. If he truly loves me, which I'm slowly beginning to doubt, then why doesn't he want me forever? He spouts all this bullshit about eternal love, but I am aging. By allowing me to age and to die he is being a complete and utter hypocrite. I will die eventually and what is sixty years in the face of eternity? It might not make a difference in five years, but eventually we will have to hide our relationship because I will either be mistaken for his mother, or worse, a cougar! He is also a liar because if he has it his way we won't be together forever, I will just be some naïve girl he seduced into thinking he loves for the sadistic purpose of crushing my heart!" I was slowly panting by the end of my rant and I quickly wiped my tears away. Carlisle just stared at me blankly, allowing me to compose myself.

Silence filled the room as Carlisle gauged my emotions before finally breaking the silence.

"I know this probably isn't the best response, but I'm very sorry you feel that way." He gave me a sheepish grin. I couldn't help but laugh back at him, my anger slowly subsiding. The heart ache I felt still remained, and I knew it would be my constant companion for awhile.

Carlisle always had a way of calming any situation and this was no different. He had allowed me the opportunity to rant with out interruption, something I was sure none of my friends would have done, and this gave me the opportunity to finally express the fears that had been eating away at me for the past year. I was very lucky and very grateful that the person I had blown up in front of was Carlisle and not Edward. I shuttered at the thought. The situation could have been much worse if Edward had heard what I said, and I was certain Edward would have done nothing more than increase my frustration and anger ten fold. Though Carlisle hadn't said anything, he had helped me more than any one by just listening.

"Thank you." I whispered forcing a small smile. He smiled back and gave my hands a gentle squeeze before returning to stitching my arm.

I was filled with longing the minute contact was broken between us. I found that my hands burned from his touch and my body felt as if it were electrically charged. It was a very strange feeling but also at the same time very comforting.

As he finished and started to clean up, I was struck by the absurdity of the night and let out a short bitter laugh. Carlisle turned toward me and gave me a questioning look, one eyebrow raised. I shook my head in disbelief as I responded.

"This truly has been one hell of a night, and one hell of a birthday. I'm sorry for blowing up like that." I said running my hands through my hair in embarrassment, my eyes down cast. "I'm just getting tired of all the hypocrisy and the lies. I feel like a terrible person questioning my relationship after all he has done for me, but I can't help it." I let out an exacerbated sigh. Carlisle nodded in understanding.

"It doesn't make you a terrible person, I understand why you feel the way you do. Edward has always been very stubborn, and you have to remember, Bella, that he will always be trapped as a seventeen year old boy. He will always have that mind set from the day he was changed till the day his eternal life ends. You truly can't expect for all of his decisions to be rational." He smiled sympathetically as this insight into Edward ran through my mind.

Carlisle began to put his supplies away and a pleasant silence swept over us. He was kind enough to leave me with my thoughts. I truly had a lot to think about and my mind was running a mile a minute. This had been one of the most insightful days as well as one of the worst days of my life. I had almost died, again, realized it was highly probably that the guy I love might not love me enough to be with me forever, and was experiencing weird lustful thoughts toward a man that was three hundred and sixty something years old; and who could also, in some circles, be considered my boyfriends father. I had never been this overwhelmed and my heart was pounding in my chest like a humming bird's. I began taking deep relaxing breaths.

_Too bad Alice didn't get me a day at the spa for my birthday. _ I thought bitterly.

A huge weight felt like it was pressed against my shoulders and I found myself biting my lip incessantly almost drawing blood. I was still perched on the edge of his desk and as my thoughts ran through my head, Carlisle's voice broke the tension that had consumed me.

"If it were me, I wouldn't hesitate." He whispered vaguely as he stood at the opposite end of the large oak desk. His words weren't making sense and a confused expression fell upon my face.

"What?" Was my brilliant response.

Our conversation had suddenly taken on a very serious quality and I knew the only sound Carlisle could hear was the pounding of my heart and the short shallow breaths I took. As he spoke he moved slowly toward me, his eyes down cast. I began to feel like the prey again and it made me very anxious.

"If it were me, I wouldn't hesitate changing you." He uttered, his head was bent down and he was looking at me from under his eyelashes. He slowly began to raise his right hand toward my cheek almost hesitantly. He paused inches before making contact clearly asking for permission and I found myself leaning in and meeting his cold touch. My body welcomed it, needed it, and I wasn't sure why. The electric current Carlisle seemed to awaken in me began flowing through my body at a rapid rate. I was fully aware of his presence and his amazing scent consumed me. His thumb began caressing my cheek, creating small flames in its wake.

"An eternity with you would be nothing short of a blessing." He said these last words so softly they barely registered and then he did something he had never done before. He slowly bent forward and brushed his lips across my forehead. It was so gentle that if it weren't for his cold temperature I don't know if I would of felt it. As his lips pulled away they left a pleasant burning sensation along my skin. I had never been so light headed before, everything seemed miles away, and it was the greatest feeling I have ever experienced.

"Carlisle." I sighed, closing my eyes in utter contentment. Every rational thought about how this was wrong, that he was married, that I was taken, that Alice could see, that I would be ruining a family, and that on every level what I was thinking and feeling was absolutely profane, escaped me. These thoughts never even crossed my mind. They didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was this moment. This moment with Carlisle.

"You're so beautiful." The words had left my mouth before I could stop them, and I leaned forward brushing my lips against his marble cheek. I wasn't flooded with feelings of regret or embarrassment like I normally would have been. I had spoken the truth and had shown him how I felt, and I was not ashamed of my sincerity. I was on the other hand shocked at my own actions. I had never been the girl to make the first move, but the way I felt about Carlisle was quickly altering my foundation. I noticed instantly that my words and actions had quickly altered the mood and I wasn't sure if that was a good thing. The look on Carlisle's face confirmed for me all I needed to know.

The beautiful smile that had adorned his face earlier was replaced by a stoic expression. It was controlled and calculated; he didn't want to give anything away. I was certain that his thoughts were just as jumbled and confused as mine were and that gave me some satisfaction. I continued to study him when I noticed that something was different about his eyes. The once infinite golden seas I had become so fond of were no more and instead were replaced by black haunted orbs. These were not accompanied by the same hungry expression Jasper had worn just an hour before, but a different type of hunger. A lustful hunger.

I could feel that familiar electric current Carlisle elicited from me begin to flow strongly through my veins again. Carlisle's piercing black gaze sent sparks down my spine and that only fueled the fire. I found it amazing what he could do to me with just one glance. Under normal circumstances I would have been afraid, but I was certain that Carlisle would never hurt me and the longer our gazes lingered, the further I fell into the abyss.

Feeling confident, I wrapped my arms around his neck and slowly began to bring his angelic face toward my own. I couldn't believe what I was doing, I didn't feel like myself. Truthfully Carlisle made me feel like a different person when I was in his presence. I felt like I was on equal footing with him and this new found freedom was demanding to be put into use. I liked this new person, this new me, better than the old Bella. This one was more confident, more sure of herself. Maybe it was the fact that I was an adult now, or this indescribable feeling Carlisle brought out of me.

As our lips were mere inches apart Carlisle quickly came to a halt. Disappointment and feelings of rejection rushed through me, but I held my ground refusing to let him pull away completely. My arms were still wrapped around him in a vice grip, and my fingers played absentmindedly with the hair at the nape of his neck. His eyes were closed in frustration as he spoke.

"Bella." He said my name like it was a warning. "What do you think you are doing?"

Taken aback by the question I struggled to find a response. My mouth opened and closed several times before I paused shutting my mouth to mull over his question.

Did I truly understand what I was doing? What could possibly happen? What about the repercussions?

As these questions played around in my mind, I realized that I needed to make a decision and I needed to make it now. Carlisle was offering me an out, but could I take it with a clear conscious? Could feelings of regret out weigh impending consequences? A war was waging between my brain and my emotions and this decision would decide the victor.

_'This could be your only chance, Bella. Aren't you curious about this connection you feel? If you walk away you know you will spend the rest of your life wondering what if.'_

I knew instantly that my subconscious was right and soon my curiosity solidified my decision.

"Please Carlisle. I need this, and I need you. I know you feel it too." My words came out as desperate pleas. Even through my confidence my eyes never met his, I was fearful that I would see disappointment, or worse, rejection. I soon felt his cool finger tips upon my chin as he lifted my gaze to meet his.

"Oh Bella, you have no idea what you are asking." His voice was laced with sadness and he slowly began to put distance between us. Panic swept through me and my heart all but stopped. I couldn't be rejected again, and I most certainly couldn't be rejected by Carlisle. My heart couldn't take it. In my crazed state I did something I never thought possible. Not even in my wildest dreams. Before he could completely escape my grasp I hooked one arm behind his neck, and I brought his lips to mine.

I, Bella Swan, kissed Carlisle Cullen.

And he kissed me back.

At first I was afraid I had made a huge mistake. His lips sat motionless beneath mine. Embarrassment began to seep into my consciousness, but this new confident Bella pushed it away quickly. I knew he was just humoring me, waiting for me to pull away in defeat, but I was not going to have that. I knew he wanted me. I was becoming desperate for a response, and in my delicate hormonal state I did something I knew would get his attention; I bit his lip. Hard.

I immediately heard a low growl rumble deep within his chest, and to my great satisfaction his lips began to move. Carlisle was kissing me back.

Kissing Carlisle is one of, if not the most addicting thing I have ever experienced. The moment he reciprocated, the rest of the world fell away. Carlisle was causing my senses to be in over drive, and I couldn't get enough of him. I needed to feel him, smell him, taste him, I was being greedy and I didn't care. His scent was nothing compared to how he tasted and my body demanded more. He was careful to a point, but the caution I was used to with Edward was no where to be found. Carlisle with his years of experience as a doctor knew what I could and could not handle. Edward and I's stopping point was long since passed and Carlisle did nothing to discourage me from pressing onward, quite the opposite in fact. Carlisle with his gift of compassion was all about reciprocation. He would gently tease me by biting my lip in order to get me to respond. He wanted me and yearned for me to express my desire and need for him. And I loved it. My needs that had gone unsatisfied were now being more than indulged and I never wanted him to stop. With my hands I slowly began to unbutton his shirt, loving the feel of his marble chest beneath my finger tips as his blue oxford hit the floor. His lips slowly descended upon my neck and I let out a groan of pleasure. I needed him to be closer and I found myself wrapping my legs around his waste bringing our bodies fully against each other. I then felt Carlisle bite down on the sensitive part of my neck and I thought I was going to lose it. I found my body had a mind of its own and I began rubbing myself against him. Carlisle let out an animalistic purr before laying me across his desk. Carlisle was perched over me, gazing at me with black lust filled eyes. He looked like a haunted angel and it did nothing but increase the burning inside me.

Unfortunately the fire was soon put out by a painful stinging sensation on my collar bone, and a fresh coat of blood that adorned Carlisle's mouth. My blood. My hand automatically went up to my shoulder where I had felt the pain and was met by a warm sticky liquid. As I brought my hand back in front of my eyes, I was paralyzed with fear.

"Bella...oh God, I am so sorry!" Carlisle sounded panicked as he put his shirt back on at vampire speed before sitting me up in front of him, so he could check my wound. He had grabbed some gauze that he had used from my previous injury and was applying it to the bite.

"Carlisle, whats happening? Am I turning into a vampire?" I asked slightly neurotic, I could feel my hands shaking. Carlisle through his panic quickly shook his head and placed his free hand upon my face.

"No Bella, its ok, you're going to be fine. I'm going to suck out the venom don't worry. Just calm down, everything's going to be alright." He said trying, I was sure, to both reassure himself and me. I slowly started to relax as Carlisle's lips descended over the bite, and soon my breathing was semi-normal again. Immediately the burning sensation was gone and Carlisle slowly began to pull away from me. He paused briefly to compose himself before he finally met my gaze. I looked up to see his eyes, now their normal caramel color, signaling that he was back in control. Though I welcomed the familiar compassionate color, I missed the black lust filled eyes. I felt a bit ashamed that my thoughts were so frivolous considering the circumstances.

"Is the burning gone?" Carlisle questioned, worry was still clearly etched in his voice. I noticed he was still taking slow, deep breaths in order to calm himself. Even through his centuries of practice, the taste of human blood was still very appealing. I was in awe of his self-control, most would of either finished the job or let the change take happen. Carlisle had again spared my life, and I felt nothing but gratitude towards him.

"Yes, its gone." I answered with a tense smile. Carlisle let out a relieved sigh, but didn't return my smile. He ran his fingers irritably through his hair. I could tell he was beating himself up over what had just happened. I slowly began to sit up, the adrenaline was leaving my system and was immediately being replaced by a state of confusion.

"Why did you bite me?" I questioned. Carlisle looked back at me sheepishly, biting his lower lip. He was embarrassed and if he had been human, I knew he would probably have been blushing.

"I...kind of lost my control. Thats never happened to me before, I can assure you. Everything was very intense and I just went, well, for lack of a better term, crazy." He gave me a small apologetic smile and I couldn't help but smirk back.

I felt a wave of pleasure surface in me. I had made Carlisle, someone with centuries of self control, and a resistance to human blood lose it. I felt a smug smile spread across my face; I had never been more pleased with myself. I knew I should be furious and even frightened to be in Carlisle's presence after what had just happened, but those feelings never surfaced. He had not truly harmed me and his actions were not intentional but involuntary. To someone looking in, I probably looked like a crazy person with a death wish.

Eventually my shoulder finally stopped bleeding and Carlisle was now having to stitch me up again. He laughed when I started to complain about having to be stitched up again so soon, but I soon relaxed and allowed him to retreat into doctor mode. Eventually the silence became too overbearing and I broke it with the first question that popped into my head.

"So...how do I taste?" I asked nonchalantly. Carlisle gave me a devilish smirk and laughed. "I bet I'm very delicious." I teased.

"Bella." He said, jokingly scolding me while shaking his head.

"Carlisle." I responded, mimicking his put off tone. "I'm not trying to seem self absorbed, but many reliable sources have confirmed for me that I smell amazing. And I'm just curious as to if my scent is equal too or greater than my taste. Judging by how many times I've been attacked...I'd have to say I must taste pretty damn good." A smirk played at his lips and soon became a full blown grin.

"A little full of ourselves now aren't we?" He teased as he finished pulling the last stitch together.

"No, just observant. I tempted you now, didn't I?" I replied as confidently as I could.

Carlisle then came to stand in front of me, both hands trailing from my knees, up my thighs, and finally resting on my hips. He slowly leaned in toward my ear, his cool breath on my cheek.

"If you must know, you taste unbelievable Isabella. There is nothing to compare it to. Its like the finest wine in all the world, mixed with the freshest, most exotic flowers, and a flavor that is distinctly your own. I will never forget the way you taste for as long as I live." He then began trailing kisses along my jaw, "You look amazing in that dress by the way. Very, very tempting." He emphasized each word with a kiss and I dipped my head to find his mouth, I was too impatient. He was smiling when my eager lips met his.

I was certain at that moment that I would never get used to kissing Carlisle. The euphoric feeling I felt when I tasted him on my tongue, combined with his over powering aroma was something I never wanted to get used to. I felt like an adrenaline junky; I was addicted to the feeling. Just as soon as our kiss began it was cut short. I tried to pull Carlisle back toward me, but he managed to duck under my arms with ease.

Stupid vampire speed.

As Carlisle was putting his medical supplies away again, my fingers began to gently trace the outline of my new stitches. It was about the same size as the other scar I had on my wrist, crescent shaped, and already cold to the touch. I was sure it would scar just the same too. I let out a soft sigh.

"Something wrong?" Carlisle asked as he closed the door to his supply cabinet.

"Nothing horrible, Im just a bit irritated with myself. I'm tired of being such a klutz. I don't know if you are aware, but it can be a very agonizing life style." Carlisle let out a small chuckle at this and nodded for me to continue. "It seems that every time I turn around I have a new scar somewhere. I was just thinking about how this new one is definitely going to leave a distinct mark. I already have trouble hiding James bite, this ones going to be a bit tricky as well." Carlisle had frozen at my words and his eyes filled with pain and shock. I suddenly regretted what I had just said and I was scared I had offended him. "I'm not mad at you Carlisle! I'm so sorry if I gave you that impression, God Im such an idiot, I didn't.." He quickly cut off my apology, his voice struggling to stay calm.

"Bella...I...I think it best if you leave now." His words caught be off guard and cut through me like a butcher knife.

"Carlisle? I don't understand..." My words struggled to come out, I had never been more confused in my life. He stood across the room from where I sat on his desk, his back toward me. He didn't move an inch, and I could see the muscles in his back were fully tensed.

"Bella, I'm so sorry that I let this happen." He sounded as if he were in complete agony. If he had the ability to shed tears I knew he would be at that very moment. Waves of sadness and regret suddenly hit me, and I knew he wasn't talking about the biting incident.

"I'm not." I spat back defiantly. My words struck a nerve and he immediately turned to face me. Shock and disappointment adorned his beautiful face.

"Do you have any idea of the possible consequences if someone were to find out? Bella, we could lose everything, and everyone. Nothing is more important to me than my family, and I'm most certainly not going back to a life with out them." Through his speech he had made his way closer to me, as if he were giving me a very stern lecture. I could feel the genuine panic in his voice, but a selfish part of me thought it felt forced.

I loved the Cullens. Truly and deeply, as if they were my own blood. But a part of me, a very selfish and narcissistic part wanted Carlisle more. I didn't care about the consequences, all I cared about was having him by my side, always and forever. At this realization a large dose of anxiety hit me. I had truly never felt this way about anyone before. Not even Edward.

Edward, I felt of a pang of guilt hit my stomach. I laboriously pushed it to the side, I knew I would deal with it later and desperately didn't want to think about it now. With everything that had happened so far, I desperately wanted someone to talk to and help me figure out what I was feeling. Was this love? Or was it merely lust? How was I supposed to feel?

My world had already been turned upside down the minute I kissed Carlisle and now my world was experiencing a global catastrophe on top of all that. Most girls would run to their mothers for advice, but given the supernatural quality of my predicament that option was clearly out. Thats when I realized I did have a mom I could have turned to.

Esme.

Memories of the motherly vampire flooded my mind and moisture began to fill my eyes.

Oh God what have I done?

The reality of the situation had finally hit me. I was no longer blinded by the lust I had felt earlier in the evening and I was suddenly filled with powerful waves of shame. I had somehow become the other woman, something I had subconsciously always promised myself I never would. I had not only cheated on my boyfriend, but I had fallen for a married man, and not just any married man, but Esme's husband. Loving, caring, selfless Esme. The Esme I had always considered a second mother, who would do anything for me. I had stolen her eternal love. My breathing suddenly became erratic and my heart pounded in my chest as if I were running a marathon. Carlisle's eyes shot open wide with worry as the air in my lungs came out in loud strangled gasps. He jumped forward cupping my face in his marble hands, forcing me to look at him.

"Bella, calm down, just breath. You are alright, just copy what I'm doing. Thats it slowly, deep slow breaths." Carlisle began coaching me through each breath, inhaling and exhaling with me till my breathing formed a some what regular rhythm. Small tears still fell from my eyes, the thought of Esme still plaguing my mind.

"Bella, tell me whats wrong?" Carlisle asked sincerely concerned. I couldn't look at him, the pain was becoming too much. I allowed my eyes to wander towards the ground briefly before I felt icy finger tips guide me back to golden orbs. "Isabella?" He pleaded. At the use of my full name, my resistance came crashing down and the tears fell like waterfalls.

I was sobbing at this point and the only word that I was able to form was, "Esme." It came out in a struggling whisper.

Carlisle immediately stiffened and was a foot away from me. My body cringed in misery at the distance he put between us. Even through everything, my feelings for Carlisle were genuine, I couldn't deny that any longer. Seeing him withdraw from me caused the hole in my chest to seize in agony. Was he disgusted by me?

I could see the guilt clouding his face and understanding along with shame filled his eyes once again. He rubbed his hands through his hair roughly as he paced back and forth across his office. He let out a soft hiss of frustration and increased his pacing. I just sat there trying to compose myself. Minutes passed, but it could have been hours, I wasn't sure before he finally turned to me. I had stopped blubbering at this point, but I was sure my eyes were swollen red and my make up long gone. Carlisle opened his mouth a few times before shutting it again. He was definitely trying to find the right words. He let out a huge sigh before finally speaking.

"Bella, I-" A shrilling ring interrupted him and he was quickly beside me pulling out his sleek cell phone from a desk drawer.

"Yes." Carlisle answered shortly as he resumed his pacing.

The conversation was then spoken so soft and fast that I was unable to follow it. Carlisle quickly snapped his cell phone shut, with his back turned toward me. For some reason the need to see his face nagged at me.

"Carlisle, who was that?" I asked softly. He was standing stalk still and refused to face me. The muscles in his back were tensed and if he gripped the phone any tighter I was sure it would snap in two.

"You need to leave." His voice was hollow and lacked any emotion. This scared me more than anything.

"Carlisle, whats-" I started only to be quickly interrupted.

"Bella, please. You need to leave. Edward won't be back anytime soon, so you will have to drive yourself home." He still refused to look at me and his voice lacked any inclination of emotion. He sounded like a robotic Carlisle, as if the words were being read from a script. I was stunned into silence. "Its late, don't keep Charlie waiting."

Carlisle then began to head toward the door of the office. I couldn't believe he was just going to leave me. He had his hand on the door knob before I finally woke up and practically leapt off the desk after him.

"Carlisle, stop!" I shouted frantically. He immediately paused, his hand resting on the knob. He still would not turn around and face me. For some reason this pissed me off more than anything.

"I need answers Carlisle! Don't think you can just leave me here and tell me to go home as if nothing happened. The connection we feel, it doesn't excuse what I did to Edward, or to Esme. And I know this affects not only them, but everyone in this family. I deserve some closure, so don't just leave me here ignorant and feeling like a used whore!" At this point I was shouting and less than a foot away from him. I could see his knuckles tense around the handle.

"I could never think of you in such a degrading way. Not in a million life times." At this point he finally turned around. His eyes were a dark gold and his face held an expression of deep pain. His normal golden hair was in disarray and he looked as if he'd been crying. Even through all of this he still looked beautiful. He was my own tortured angel. I wanted nothing more than to hold him in my arms and comfort him, but I knew I couldn't. I was the source of his suffering.

"Bella, I don't know what to say. I wish I held the answers to our problem, but I do not. I am lost in a sea of confusion and I don't know how to get home. What I do know is that you are Edward's soul mate, and I have Esme. I truly think its best if we keep this to ourselves for a little while." He spoke these words in a very detached way, but his eyes were pleading. He wasn't ready, and I wasn't sure he ever would be.

Again anger swept through me.

"Don't try and avoid this conversation Carlisle. We can't pretend forever, there are too many factors playing against us. You can't keep this from Edward, he will easily read your thoughts. And I won't be able to hide the way I feel about you from Jasper." I mumbled the last part, but I knew he heard me. He eyed me warily at first, but his eyes soon softened.

"Trust me, I know how to conceal my thoughts from Edward, don't worry about that." Here he paused taking a deep breath, he seemed very tired as he ran a hand through his hair. "As for Jasper and Alice, I will deal with them, you don't need to worry yourself." He forced a reassuring smile at me, which just fueled my frustration toward him. I knew why he wanted to hide what had happened between us, but the fact that he was pretending it didn't mean anything was torturing me. Tears of frustration and rejection began to fill my eyes.

"I'm sorry that I have put you in such a horrible position. I promise to never mention what happened to anyone." I couldn't even recognize my own voice. I felt hollow, empty, and unwanted. I had been tricked by my emotions into thinking Carlisle could want me.

_'What a stupid and naïve little girl I am. No one will ever want me, and those that I want I can never fully have' _I continued to belittle myself as I stood up to gather my things to leave.

Carlisle had the right idea. What had happened between us was a mistake. A huge mistake which I had instigated. What was I thinking? Carlisle had Esme, and I had Edward. It would never work out between us.

_'But that doesn't change the way I feel about him.' _My thoughts hit me like a punch to the stomach. I needed to get out of here. I couldn't stand another moment in his presence knowing he didn't feel the same about me and that he never would.

"I think that would be best." He stood next to the doorway, his eyes fixed upon the ground. His voice held no sense of emotion, just as mine had before.

It took all my self control not to run out of his office. I quickly grabbed my things, but before I could even make it through the doorway, I felt a cold hand lock around my wrist, twisting me back around. I was meant by a very serious Carlisle. His golden eyes bore into mine, and I could tell he was struggling with something. He closed his eyes in frustration, letting out a deep sigh before proceeding.

"Drive safe, Isabella." He whispered, and slowly dropped my wrist.

"Promise. Good night, Carlisle." I gave him a pained smile and made my way out the door. Nothing would ever be the same between us. I was both pained and anxious.

Right as I made my way to the front door my eyes caught something hanging on the wall. It was a family portrait of the Cullens. Im not sure why I stopped, maybe it was because I hadn't seen it before, but something about it caught my attention. They were all so beautiful, so angelic like. I couldn't help but be envious of them. They all looked so unworldy as they smiled back at the camera. They all wore the same shade of blue as they sat scattered among the grassy meadow. None of them sparkled for it was over cast in the picture, but the dreary gray sky suited them. They looked so happy, especially Esme. Having a family had been her dream, something she couldn't have as a human, but whose gift of love allowed her a second chance. She had started a new family, one that would never die, and I had taken it from her in mere seconds. Seeing her smiling face caused my stomach to clench and I felt tears begin to fill my eyes.

I needed to get out of here.

I quickly turned away from the picture and rushed out the door. I barely made it down the drive way toward my truck before my guilt came spilling up in the grass. I hadn't ever been one to deal with anxiety well. I wiped the vomit off my mouth with a used napkin as I situated myself in the truck. Right as I began to back out my cell phone buzzed alerting me to a text. I quickly flipped my phone open and I thought my dinner was going to make yet another encore appearance.

_Bella, I'm sorry your birthday party was ruined. I will make it up to you I promise._

_Love always,_

_Edward_


End file.
